Maddie---Hello.
David---(looking Maddie up and down) "Hello"?....Wow.(finally noticing that his secretary has a pail on her head)My goodness, Miss Dipesto....You're looking a little pale today...And who have we here?
Dipesto---I don't know...
David---Now, now...No reason to be shy. Let's show a little confidence...a little charisma...a little Dale Carnegie. Remember...Lesson one...imagine your entire audience is completely naked.... Boggles the mind, doesn't it? (to Dipesto) Amscray, will ya?

***

Maddie---If you don't leave this table this instant, I'm going to scream!
David---Oh my!...That would bring the geek back here...Tell me about him anyway...Hope you two aren't planning anything serious.
Maddie---Mr. Addison.....
David---Yeah, that would be a waste. The guy...the guy's obviously not from this planet! I'm willing to wager...and we're talking considerable money here...that the guy wears bikini underwear. Tell me you're in a position to know and break my heart forever.
Maddie---Goodnight, Mr. Addison!
David---Deny that the man blows bubbles with his drool. A simple true-false statement. Of course he does. Do birds fly? Do ducks duck?

***

David---You need me, Maddie Hayes.
Maddie---I need you to leave.
David---You need me to live, Lady. You are one, cold, icy broad. You've got your nose so high in the air, it's snowing on your brain.

***

(in the garage after being questioned by the police; David has just returned the company car to Maddie)
David---Didn't want to see you stranded out here in the middle of nowhere....Of course, now I'm stranded out here in the middle of nowhere.
Maddie---Get in.
David---I love it when you beg. 

***

Maddie---I don't believe you! You did this so we'd have to work together.
David---Are you NUTS!! Sure, I wanted you for a partner, for your name and your money....Not YOU! You think I want some blonde ball of fluff following me everywhere I go...Maddie---BALL OF FLUFF!!! You are calling me a ball of fluff?...You?...The sissy-fighter?
David---What did you call me?
Maddie---Sissy-fighter...I wish you could have seen yourself. Didn't anyone ever teach you how to throw a real punch...Real men don't punch like that! They put their whole bodies into it...you...you punch with your wrist!!
David---Alright already! 

***

David---You gotta trust me.
Maddie---Trust you? Trust you? People fire you and you make googly eyes at them...Men try and fry your face, and you make jokes...You seek out the expert opinion from pawnbrokers...You talk with your mouth full, you don't signal when you turn...and worst of all...You don't even have a plan!
David---You through?
Maddie---No, I am not through. I would like to know how someone like you, someone with no obvious facility for deductive reasoning...no knowledge of business administration...a sissy-fighter...
David---Are we gonna start that again?
Maddie---How does someone like that get to be head of a detective agency?

***

Maddie---This sounds suspiciously like a plan.
David---Me? Plan? Couldn't be. Everyone knows that I have no facility for deductive reasoning. Hell...I can't even walk and chew gum at the same time. Dumb David...always chomping on his shoes and blowing bubbles with his feet. Me? Plan? Nahhh!

***

(Maddie and David are in a bar dancing)
Maddie---Can I ask you something?
David---Anything. My life is an open book...I'll discuss anything except me and the President.
Maddie---Do you really think I'm cold?
David---Did I say that?
Maddie---Twice.
David---I didn't say that...How could I say that? You? Cold? I'm burning up over here.
(David is watching Maddie climb up the clock tower)
David---Wow...You're looking great, kid. I'm right behind you. Don't look back and try to see me...just know that I'm right in back of you....and YES, I am looking up your dress!

***

Maddie---Doesn't it seem a bit...quiet to you?
Dipesto---Well...this is our slow time.
Maddie---Morning?
Dipesto---Well....
Maddie---Mondays?
Dipesto---Kind of.
Maddie---Spring?
Dipesto---The eighties.

***

Maddie---There are no clients... There never have been any clients...There aren't going to be any clients...are there?
David---I'm not sure I understand the question.
Maddie---Have you EVER had a client?
David---What?...You mean at this particular location?

***

(outside Anvil's Bar)
David---Wait in the car.
Maddie---I don't want to wait in the car. I don't have to wait in the car. It's my car. It's my detective agency...and I don't have to do anything that I don't want to do.
David---You're gonna get such a licking when your father gets home.

***

David ---Maddie...I can't take you in there with me.
Maddie---Do I embarrass you?
David---It has nothing to do with embarrassing me. This is a bar filled with punks and killers and...
Maddie---Don't you want me to meet your friends?

***

(David finally agrees to let Maddie go in the bar with him; but he instructs her to make some changes first)
David---Okay...Alright...C'mon
Maddie---I can do anything if you just give me a chance.
David---(indicating a button on Maddie's blouse)
Unbutton that.
Maddie---Excuse me?
David---Unbutton that button. People with an attitude do a little advertising.
(Maddie reluctantly unbuttons the button on her blouse)
David---There you are.
Maddie---(looking down at herself)
There I am alright.
David---(steps back, studies her, then....)
Shake your "do."
Maddie---Shake my what?
David---Your hair. Shake your "do." Girls with an attitude don't have a "do" like that...Nuns and Librarians don't have "dos" like that. You want to have an attitude...you're gonna have to shake it.
Maddie---Do you have any idea how much this "do" cost?

***

David---How 'bout something to drink? What do you say...set me up about seven, maybe eight tequilas...Better yet, make it a baker's dozen.
Bartender---You want thirteen tequilas, Man?
David---To go. I come here all the time....They're very fast

***

Maddie---He wants me to have dinner with him.
David---(spins around in his chair; he is wearing a pair of tacky glasses)
Y'know, I've been calling every hotel in town and I can't find this Farley guy anywhere...Who wants you to have dinner with him?
Maddie---Farley Wyre...Where on earth did you get those glasses?
David---Ah, these? Prett cool, huh? X-Ray specs. You must be wearing a lead dress. I can't see a thing.

***

Maddie ---I didn't tell him.
David---What?
Maddie---I couldn't do it, alright? I couldn't look him in the eye and tell him his son is a killer.
David---Why not?
Maddie---Because he's dying...Because that poor, sweet, little old man is dying.
David ---Great, now we're all going to die. Let's make a few calls...Maybe we can get a group rate at the cemetery.

***

Maddie---Addison, we don't belong in business together. We don't think alike...We don't agree on anything.
David---What are you talking about? We agree on alot of things. You like meatballs on your spaghetti, right? Me too. How 'bout books?...Let's talk about books. Me? I read left to right. How 'bout you?...Is that an amazing coincidence, or what?...Alright, you wanna get deep...lets talk about sex. Who would have guessed? I like sex too.

***

David---Maddie,Maddie,Maddie...Preston Holt is a barracuda.
Maddie---Good. I feel like a little seafood.

***

David---Thought I heard you kids out here. Hi, Sweetcakes! This your business dinner? Hi, I'm Poppa Bear. C'mon in and have some Tang, just made some fresh.
Preston---Is he yours?
Maddie---Mine...Him?...Sure!...How's my sweetie, sweetie?
Preston---Gonna take a raincheck on that Tang, Maddie. Nice to have met you, Mr.....
David---Poppa Bear. I'm Poppa Bear, she's Sweetcakes.
(Preston Holt leaves)
Maddie---You're standing in my doorway.
David---You don't have to thank me.
Maddie---Thank you? For what? Breaking into my house?...Rifling through my things?
David---All right... I admit it... I went through your underwear.

***

David---Can't I come with you?
Maddie---You believe me?
David---No....But I believe IN you.
(David goes around the car and climbs into the passenger seat; Maddie stares at him for a long moment, then)
Maddie---That was a terrific thing to say... What does it mean?
David---I have no idea.

***

Maddie ---What are you doing?
David---Straightening Omar Gaus' drawers. Be good and I'll do the same for you.

***

Maddie---Preston Holt told me that you provided him with highly classified data related to SRT Industries' products.
Omar---Were you prone when Holt told you that?
Maddie---I beg your pardon?
David---Wait a second. Answer the question.

***

Maddie---(after visiting Omar Gaus)
Brian Baker called me names. Preston Holt lied to me. Omar Gaus mocked me. I don't think I like men anymore.
David---We still like you

***

Maddie---(after visiting Omar Gaus)
Brian Baker called me names. Preston Holt lied to me. Omar Gaus mocked me. I don't think I like men anymore.
David---We still like you

***

Maddie ---(hooked up to a polygraph)
So what do I do now?
David---You don't do anything. I ask you a question.
Maddie---Like?
David---Like... Is your name Maddie Hayes?
Maddie---And I answer?
David---And you answer.
Maddie---Yes, my name is Maddie Hayes... And that means I'm telling the truth?
David---That's the idea.
Maddie---Okay.....This is fun.
David---Great... Whatever blows your skirt up.
Maddie---Ask me another question.
David---You sure?
Maddie---Positive.
David---Okay... Let's try something easy... Something obvious... Were both your feet on the floor when Preston Holt told you Omar was giving up Baker's secrets?
Maddie---Excuse me?
David---I'll rephrase the question. Did you have an unobstructed view of the sky or the ceiling when the information was imparted?
Maddie---I'm not answering these questions.
David---A simple yes or no will suffice.
Maddie---I hate you.
David---I thought you said you were having fun. I know I'm having a good time.

***

Sonny---Who are you guys working for?
Maddie---Working for?
Sonny---Working for.
Maddie---Working for...He wants to know who we're working for.
David---What for?
Maddie---What for do you want to know who we're working for?
Sonny---Why not?
Maddie---(to David) Why not?
David---Why not what?
Maddie---Why not what for you want to know who we're working for?
David---What?
Maddie---What?... Talk to him!
David---I'm afraid that's priveleged information... Client confidentiality.
Sonny---Of course.
David---Course.
Maddie---Of course.

***

David---Now, THAT is what I call a case...Sex, viloence, hit tunes...If we crack this thing, they'll make a movie about it...Mel Gibson will play my life...I'll talk to David Hartman, Barbara Walters...women from all over the country will send me letters, make lewd suggestions...Is this a wild country or what?
Maddie---We're not taking this case.
David---Get outta town!
Maddie---Paul McCain is a disgusting human being.
David---He's dead!!
Maddie---Good! He got what he deserved.
David---You don't know that.
Maddie---Given the amoral way he lived his life, his violent death comes as no surprise to me.
David---You're mad because he boinked a couple of house fraus?
Maddie---I'm not having this conversation...We're not taking this case.
(Maddie pulls off in the car)
David---I'm gonna say something to you.
Maddie---Be still my heart.
David---"Judge not lest ye be judged."
Maddie---Where did you get that?
David---I read it on a bumper sticker...but I think it's pretty damn profound...It's a great case, Ma...
Maddie---It's a perverse case...
David---It's a great case!..Wait a second...
Maddie---I don't want to talk about it...When we get back to the office we're going to dedicate ourselves to finding another case...a REAL case...the kind with a client, with some morals...with a checkbook.
David---Fine.
Maddie---Fine.
David---Good.
Maddie---Good.
David---You're weird.
Maddie---This is very meaningful...Humpty Dumpty is calling me cracked.
David---No, no, no, no...You're repressed or obsessed or one of those "s" words. Everytime something comes up that involves men or sex or...
Maddie---Boinking? Is that the word you're looking for?
David---See what I mean? That's not normal.
Maddie---I'm suppossed to sit here and discuss my mental health with a man who refers to the act of human procreation as boinking?
David---See, see what I mean? Right away you get all stiff and tense.
Maddie---No, no, no...Not right away...not with just anybody, just you. You make me stiff and tense.
David---I make you stiff and tense because I'm the only person in your life.
Maddie---Ha!
David---What? Are you denying it? Are you saying there's someone else in your life?... Are you denying the fact that you're not in bed alone every night by nine-thirty?
Maddie---There are plenty of people in my life... Plenty.
David---Name one.
Maddie---I will not.
David---Because you can't... Because there is no one... Because your repressed or obsessed or one of those "s" words. That's why you're not gonna take this case...this great case. It makes you crazy to know that anybody out there is boinking when you can't.
Maddie---I'm not listening to you.
David---It makes you crazy that the whole world is out there boinking, except you.
Maddie---Not a single word...not a single word.
David---Boink.
Maddie---I can't hear you.
David---Boink.
Maddie---Shut up.
David---Boink, boink, boink, boink, boink, boink, boink....Can't you hear that?
Maddie---Stop it, David!
David---Boink, boink, boink, boink, boink...
Maddie---Get outta my car!
David---Boink, boink, boink, boink...
Maddie---Get outta my car!!!...Out! Out! Out!

***

Maddie---Ms. Dipesto!!
Dipesto---Grandma?
Maddie---No, it's Maddie.
David---And David.
Maddie---We're in the bed in the wall!
Dipesto---You want me to leave?
Maddie---No...Press the button and get us out!

***

David---Was it good for you, too?...She made me do it, I didn't want to do it...I didn't feel we were ready.
Maddie---We're moving!!
David---Do we have to?...All my friends go to this school.
Maddie---This train is moving!!!

***

Maddie---Addison!...You better figure out a way to get me off this train!!
David---Whoa!...Lady, I will gladly get you off this train...I will throw you off this train, if necessary, but kindly refrain from any physical act that is not of an erotic nature.

***

Maddie---David, I just don't think...
David---That's ok, you look good.

***

(David has bought a pool table and a piano and is in the process of placing them at Blue Moon)
Maddie---What are you DOING?!
David ---Nothing, I've been clean for years.

***

Maddie---David, I think this deadbeat is dead.
David---Another old trick. Stick him with a pin.
Maddie---I will not!!!
David---Yank out one of his nose hairs.
Maddie---Uh!...Addison!!!
David---Rip off all your clothes and see if he reacts... You're right... Bad idea... That would kill me.

***

David---I'm looking for a man with a mole on his nose.
Maddie---A mole on his nose?
David---A mole on his nose.
Guard---What kind of clothes?
David---What kind of clothes do you suppose?
Guard---What kind of clothes do you suppose would be worn by a man with a mole on his nose, who knows?
David---Did I happen to mention, did I bother to disclose, this man that we're seeking with a mole on his nose? I'm not sure of his clothes, or anything else... Except he's Chinese, a big clue by itself.
Maddie---How do you do that?
David---Gotta read alot of Dr. Suess.
Guard---I'm sorry to say, I'm sad to report. I haven't seen anyone at all of that sort. Not a man who's Chinese with a mole on his nose, with some kind of clothes that you can't suppose. So get away from this door and get out of this place, or I'll have to hurt you, put my foot in your face.
David---Oh.
Maddie---Time to go.
David ---Time to go.

***

(Maddie is reluctant to wear a waitress outfit because it is low cut)
Maddie---Where's the rest of it?
David---What are you talking about?.. I think you look terrific... I think all of you looks terrific... Did you leave any room in there for tips?
(then)
Remember... You are dressed that way for America... And I, for one, salute you.
Maddie---Salute you, Addison.

***