1. A Donkey [27.05.98; Milen Lazarov]
2. The woman who choked [29.05.98; Milen Lazarov]
3. Self-gratification [29.05.98; Milen Lazarov]
4. Something Soft [29.05.98; Milen Lazarov]
5. Beers After Work [30.05.98; Radostina Georgieva]
A western reporter goes to Armenia to write articles about that land. He meets an old man in a village and asks him about any memorable events in his life.
The old man says "Well, one time my donkey got lost, so me and my neighbors got some vodka and went looking for it. We looked and looked and finally found the donkey. Then we drank the vodka and one by one started screwing the donkey, it was a lot of fun."
The reporter figured he can't write an article about that, so he asked the old man to tell him another story.
The old man said: "Well, one time my neighbor's wife got lost, so me and all the village men got some vodka and went out looking for her. We looked and looked and finally we found her. Then we drank the vodka and one by one screwed the neighbor's wife. It was a lot of fun."
The reporter, feeling frustrated, told the old man that he couldn't write articles about those stories and asked him if he had any dramatic or sad memories that he could talk about.
The old man paused a little and with a sad expression on his face said: "Well, one time I was lost..."
The woman who choked
There's a woman in a hospital in a coma. Her nurse notices after a few days that every time she sponge bathes the woman around the crotch, her vital signs, according to the nearby monitor, increase significantly.
The nurse gets the bright idea that oral sex might just provide the stimulus to bring the woman out of her coma. She calls the woman's husband, tells him her idea about oral sex, and he agrees.
When he arrives at the hospital, the nurse ushers him into the room, closes the curtain around the bed, and closes the door. Five minutes later, the man comes running out of the room screaming that all of his wife's vital signs have plummeted to zero and she needs a doctor immediately.
The nurse, upset that her idea had not only not worked, but seemed to be threatening the life of the woman she had sought to save, asked the man what had happened.
"I'm not sure, but I think she choked..."
One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other than to say that he "needed a doctor who took care of men's problems". The patient was pale, febrile, feverish and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of torn, black and blue scrotal skin.
After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his trousers, shorts and two or three yards of foul smelling stained gauze, wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.
Amid the matted hair, edematous (swollen) skin and various exudates, I saw some half buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were.
Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the machine shop where he worked and he had closed the laceration himself with a heavy duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one inch staples of the type used to put up wall board.
We X-rayed the patient's scrotum to locate the staples, admitted him to the hospital and gave him tetanus antitoxin, broad spectrum antibacterial therapy, and hexachloro-phene sitz baths prior to surgery the next morning.
The procedure consisted of exploration and debridement (removal old dead skin) of the left side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty staples were retrieved and the skin edges were trimmed and freshened. The left testis had been avulsed (ripped or torn out) and was missing. The stump of the spermatic cord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and the vessels litigated (tied off) properly, though not much of a hematoma pocket of blood) was present. Through and through Penrose drains (7) were sutured loosely in site and the skin loosely closed.
Convalescence was uneventful and before his release from hospital less than a week later, the patient confided the rest of his story to me. An unmarried loner, he usually didn't leave the machine shop at lunchtime with his co-workers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas drive belt of a large floor based piece of machinery. One day, as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too close to the belt. When his scrotum suddenly became caught between the pulley wheel and the drive belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis and perhaps too stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed work.
I can only assume that he has abandoned this method of self-gratification.
So anyway this hillbilly took his girl up to lovers peak. They sat down on a log. After a bit Judi says to Jon, "Aren't the stars purty tonite?"
Jon says "Sure is Judi".
Judi says "Jon, aren't the moon purty tonight".
Jon says "Sure is Judi".
After a bit Judi says, "Jon, whisper something soft and mushy in my ear".
So Jon leans over and whispers "Shit".
Beers After Work
A man was approached by a co-worker at lunch who invited him out for a few beers after work. The man said that his wife would never go for it that she doesn't allow him to go drinking with the guys after work. The co-worker suggested a way to overcome that problem,
"When you get home tonight, sneak into the house, slide down under the sheets, gently pull down your wife's panties, and give her oral sex. Women love it, and believe me, she'll never mention that you were out late with the boys."
So the man agreed to try it, and went out and enjoyed himself. Late that night, he sneaked into the house, slid down under the sheets, gently slid down his wife's panties, and gave her oral sex.
She moaned and groaned with pleasure, but after a little while, he realized he had to take a leak, so he told her he'd be right back. He got out of bed and walked down the hall to the bathroom. When he opened the door and went in, he was very surprised to see his wife sitting on the toilet.
"How did you get in here?" he asked.
"Shhhhh!!!" she replied, "you'll wake-up my mother!"