1. Free Bus [02.07.98; Mitko Mitev]
 2. A Vampire Bat [06.07.98; Venko Ivanov]
 3. Cherwenata shapchica [16.07.98; Venko Ivanov]
 4. Razni Hora [16.07.98; Milen Lazarov]
 5. Sheep [16.07.98; Venko Ivanov]
 6. Zoofilologia [16.07.98; Radostina Georgieva]
 7. The Last Thing Any Woman Would Say [20.07.98; Venko Ivanov]
 8. Whales [21.07.98; Venko Ivanov]
 9. Canada Hospitals [21.07.98; Venko Ivanov]

Free Bus

The hotel Astor had hired a new bus driver and instructed him to meet all incoming trains and announce at the depot in a very loud voice, "Free bus to the hotel Astor!" On the way to the station on his first trip her kept repeating to himself, "Free bus to the hotel Astor, Free bus to the hotel Astor," until he memorized it letter perfect.
Upon his arrival at the station, however, he became confused at all the noise and hub bub and started shouting as follows. "Free hotel at the bust your Astor, I mean, Free ass at the Hotel Bastard, I mean, Freeze your ass at the Hotel Buster, I mean Squeeze your bust at the Hotel Faster, I mean, Bust your ass at the Hotel Freezer, Oh shit...take a cab."

A Vampire Bat

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to piss off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.
"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"YES, YES, YES!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good!" said the first bat, "Because I fucking didn't!"

Cherwenata shapchica

Chervenata shapchica trygnala prez gorata s novata si, mnogo kysa roklichka. Sreshtnala vylka. Zaprikazvali se te. Ch.Sh. go popitala:
Vylcho, shto sa ti tolkova golemi ushite?
Poluchila standartnia otgovor.
Vylcho, zashto sa ti tolkova golemi ochite?
Pak poluchila standartnia otgovor.
Vylcho, zashto ti e tolkova goliama opashkata?
Vylcho: tova ne e opashka.
Ch.Sh: A kakvo e togava?
Vylcho: Ia ia gledaj ti, oshte ne i zasyhnalo mliakoto po ustata, a pita takiva vyprosi!
Ch.Sh: Tova ne e mliako.

Razni Hora

Три проститутки разговаривают между собой.
Одна: - Я за полчаса делаю из мужчины импотента.
Другая: - Я за полчаса делаю из импотента мужчину.
Третья: - Да хватит вам, девочки, ссориться! Я за пять минут кубик Рубика во рту собираю.

Sheep

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The guy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant.The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, does each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself and proceeds to load them and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.
"No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."

Zoofilologia

Mlad specialist shte zapochva rabota v APK-to i kolektiva go posreshta. Specialistqt obyasnil, che e zavqrshil ZOOFILOLOGIA i razbira ezika na jivotnite. Kolegite mu reshili da se pomaytapyat i go zaveli do kravarnika:
- Mu-uuu...mu-u-u-uuu.. kakvo kazvat :)?
- Ami kakvo... Agronomite tuka ne ni hranyat redovno, kradat ot furaja...
Bqrzo, bqrzo go drqpnali ot kravite i go razvejdat natatqk. Stigat do ovcete i pak s nasmeshka:
- Be-e-eee .. kakvo kazvat?
-Ami prikazvat si che agronomite vseki den banketi praveli i postoyanno si koleli po edno agne za vkqshti...
Drqpnali go i ot ovcete i go razvejdat natatqk.
Izvednqj pred tyah, vqrzana za edno dqrvo, podskacha edna kozichka i jalno blee (mlee) - Me-ee-ee-eee... M-e-eeee-ee.
Togava stariyat agronom hvashta zoofiloga za rqkata i go dqrpa bqrzo nastrani:
- Tuy ne go prevejday, shtoto neya vecher byah mnogo piyan...

The Last Things Any Woman Would Ever Say

1. Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just being friends.
2. I think hairy butts are really sexy.
3. This diamond is way too big.
4. I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.
5. Wow, it really is 14 inches!
6. Does this make my butt look too small?
7. I'm wrong, you must be right again.
8. It's so romantic when you pull out and cum on my back.
9. Hey, we didn't have sex last night!
10. I understand.
11. I love it when you finger me while you drive.
12. Let's stay at that dirty, old motel on the highway. It's cheaper and we can spend the money we save on beer.
13. I think I'll call him up and ask him out.
14. Sleeping with all the guys on the softball team doesn't make that girl a slut! She's just really friendly.
15. I farted again. Lift the covers so we can smell it.
16. Oh yeah, any hole you want.

Whales

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognised it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale,
"Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."
They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realised the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female
"Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realised the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.
"Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

Canada Hospitals

The Queen is visiting one of Canada's finest hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passes a room where a male patient is masturbating.
"Oh my God" says the Queen, "that's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?"
The doctor leading the tour explains;
"I am sorry your highness, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that 5 times a day, they'll explode, and he would die instantly.
"Oh I am sorry", says the Queen.
On the next floor they pass a room where a young nurse is giving a patient oral sex
"Oh may God" says the Queen, "what's happening in there?"
The doctor replies, "Same problem, better health plan".