1. Morqk [05.07.99; Nikolai Nikov]
2. Rodeo Sex [09.07.99; Nikolai Nikov]
3. Pinocchio [15.07.99; Radostina Georgieva]
4. That's No Bull [15.07.99; Venko Ivanov]
5. Men and Toilets [15.07.99; Venko Ivanov]
6. Sperm Bank [16.07.99; Venko Ivanov]
7. Generation Gap [16.07.99; Venko Ivanov]
8. Potency Plus [16.07.99; Venko Ivanov]
9. Are You into S&M? [16.07.99; Venko Ivanov]
10. Sex? - Sure! [16.07.99; Deyan Lazarov]
11. Dioptri [16.07.99; Nikolai Nikov]
12. A Woman [20.07.99; Nasko Aladjov]

Morqk 

Edin nov morqk izlqzyl w moreto na dylyg kurs. Syotwetno sled nqkolko sedmitci mu se priiskalo da prawi seks. Otishyl pri zamestnik-kapitana i mu kazal:
"Mnogo sym zle. Iskam otchaqno seks. Ne moje li da se uredi neshto?"
Zamestnik-kapitanyt potyrkal zamisleno brada i kazal:
"Moje i da moje."
Morqkyt se zaradwal i popital:
"Kak?"
Zamestnik-kapitanyt otwyrnal:
"Shtom si tolkowa na zor, moga da ti uredq gotwatcha".
Morqkyt: "Kak gotwatcha? Az iskam jena!"
Zamestnik-kapitanyt: "Schtom iskash jena shte potraesh do sledwashtoto pristanishte!"
Morqkyt si trygnal, no sled oshte edna sedmitca se wyrnal obratno prizamestnik-kapitana.
"Slushaj kakwo! Razmislih! I gotwatcha stawa. Kaji koga?"
Zamestnik-kapitanyt otwyrnal:
"Kogato kajesh! Daj 500 dolara i shte te uredq."
Morqkyt: "Kak 500 dolara? Mnogo pari sa towa."
Zamestnik-kapitanyt: "Ami, za men 100 dolara, tche az ne gi obicham tiq raboti."
Morqkyt: "I 400 dolara sa mnogo. Toq gotwach za kakwo se misli?"
Zamestnik-kapitanyt: "Ami wij kakwo, i za kapitana 100 dolara, tche itoj ne gi obicha tiq raboti."
Morqkyt: "I 300 dolara sa golqma suma."
Zamestnik-kapitanyt: : "Trqbwa da se otdelqt i 200 dolara za momchetata."
Morqkyt: "Kakwi momcheta?"
Zamestnik-kapitanyt: "Deto shte dyrjat gotwatcha, tche toj hitch ne gi obicha tiq raboti."

Rodeo Sex

Do you know what Rodeo Sex is?
It`s when you mount your woman from behind.....Start going nice and slowly......Then you take her hair in your hand and pull her head back........And whisper in her ear.........."Your sister was better than you".........

And try to hold on for 8 seconds!!!

Pinocchio

Pinocchio had just finished having sex with his girlfriend, and he asked her, "So ... how was I?"
She said,"Well, Pinocchio ... I hate to say this, but when we have sex, you give me splinters!"
Pinocchio was devastated. He went running to Gepetto, crying, "My girlfriend says that when we have sex, Igive her splinters! Is there anything you can do?"
Gepetto says, "What you need, my boy, is a piece of sandpaper. Use this once a day, and that'll solve theproblem."
About a month later, Gepetto ran into Pinocchio on the street.
"How was that sandpaper I gave you?", he asked."Are you still having problems with the girls?"
"Girls?" Pinocchio asked. "Who needs girls?"

That's No Bull

This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon, & are watching the auctioning off of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off: "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, & comments, "See! That was more than 5 times a month!"
The second bull is to be sold: "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."
Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's some 10 times a month. What do YOU say to that?!"
Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.
The third bull is up for sale: "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!"
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, "That's once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?!"
The husband was pretty irritated by now, & yells back, "Sure, once a day!....... But ask the auctioneer if they were all with the same cow!!!"

Men and Toilets

COPIED FROM A NEWSGROUP POSTING - (the author is responding to a woman who accidentally walked into the men's restroom):

* Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the time. It's rare us guys ever hit what were aiming for.
* Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so I'll make sure I hit something.
* You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya those little buggers can't be trusted.
* After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer allowed to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to sit down and pee. She has convinced me that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise if she had gone to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she was going to kill me in my sleep.
* Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, but because you and I have become such good friends and you think I'm a classy guy, I might as well be candid with you because it's a real problem, and you ladies need to be understanding. It's the dreaded "morning wood".
* Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hard you try, you can't get that thing to bend, and if it won't bend you can't aim, well hell, if you can't aim you have no choice but to piss all over the wallpaper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on putting on the toilet.
* And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to control our less than perfect aim.
* Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the guys in here will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie. So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it's just not safe.
* I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I told her... look, it won't bend. She said, "so sit down like I told you to do all the rest of the time." OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with "morning wood".
* Well it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wall across the room.
* Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet.
* I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinary dilemma is to assume the flying Superman position laying over the toilet seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split time precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first morning pee.
* So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to blame. We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our control.
* It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature.
* Now, if it was Father Nature, there wouldn't have been a problem!!!

Sperm Bank

A guy in a ski mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shotgun.
"Open the fucking safe" he yells at the girl behind the counter.
"But we're not a real bank" she replies, "we don't have any money, this is a sperm bank."
"Don't argue, open the fucking safe or I'll blow your head off" says the guy with the gun. She obliges and once she's opened the safe door the guy says "Take out one of the bottles and drink it."
"But it's full `of sperm!", she replies nervously.
"Don't argue, just drink," it he says.
She pulls the cap off and gulps it down.
"Take out another one and drink it too," he demands.
She takes out another and drinks it as well. Suddenly the guy pulls off the ski mask and to the girl's amazement it's her husband.
"There," he says "it's not that fucking difficult is it?"

Generation Gap

A young punker gets on the cross-town bus. He's got spiked, multi-colored hair that's green, purple and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of rags, his legs are bare and he's without shoes. His face and ears are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big bright feathers.
He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man who just glares at him for about ten miles. Finally the punk gets self conscious and spits at the old man:
"What 're you starin' at you old fart, didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?!"
Without missing a beat the old man replies:
"Yeah. Back when I was in the Navy I got real drunk in Singapore and screwed a parrot. I thought maybe you was my son."

Potency Plus

This guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, and I need something to keep me horny...keep me potent."
The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with an "X" and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!"
The guy says, "Gimme 3 boxes."
The next day, the same guy walks into the same pharmacy, right up to the same pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and the skin is hanging off in some places.
The man says, "Gimme a bottle of Ben Gay."
The pharmacist replies, "BEN GAY?!?!?! You're not going to put Ben Gay on that are you?"
The guy says, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."

Are You into S&M?

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation. They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc and finally gets around to their sex lives.
Sue says "It's OK. We get it on every week or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?"
Sally replies "It's just great, ever since we got into S&M."
Sue is aghast. "Really Sally, I never would have quessed that you would go for that."
"Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."

Sex? - Sure!

- sex?
- every day!
- no, no!!! male or female?
- doesn't matter!

Dioptri

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- ????? ?? ???????, ?? ?? ?? ?????? ????????????!
???? ????? ?? ????:
- ????? ?? ???????, ?? ?????? ???????!

A Woman?

Woman walks into her doctors office and says :
"You son of a bitch, those hormones you gave me are just a little too strong. I've got hair growing all over my titties".
The doctor said, "Jeez, how far down does the hair go".
Lady - "All the way down to my dick. And that's another thing"...