1. God Save America [02.04.03 Atanas Banov]
 2. Chris Rock [11.04.03 Radostina Georgieva]
 3. Employee Handbook [24.04.03 Ilia Gueorguiev]

God Save America

President BUSH went for a check up; his British doctor said:

"Mr. President, I am your doctor; I am sorry to inform you, that you have a problem in your BRAIN. Your brain has two parts, one Left and one Right. The Left Part has nothing right in it, and the Right Part has nothing left in it."

God Save America.

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'"

Chris Rock

Employee Handbook

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a Doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the Doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days each year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacations at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: January 1st, July 4th & December 25th.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
Bereavement is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for your dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.

ABSENCE DUE TO YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However we require at least 2 weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00 to 8:20; employees whose names begin with "B" will go from 8:20 to 8:40, and so on. If you are unable to go at the allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your scheduled turn comes again. In extreme
emergencies, employees may switch their time with a coworker; however, both employees' and supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit inside the stalls.
At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing a pair of $350.00 Nike running shoes & carrying a $600.00 Gucci bag, we will assume that you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week,
The Management