1. Bovine Economics [02.05.03; Nikolay Nikolov]
 2. Courses for women [06.05.03; Todor Torodorov]
 3. Random facts [20.05.03; Milen Lazarov]

Bovine Economics

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You retire on the income.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.

ENRON ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt-equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a CaymanIsland company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy WhiteHouse influence,leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

FRENCH ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

BRITISH ECONOMICS
You have two cows. They are both mad cows.

ITALIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

SWISS ECONOMICS
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

JAPANESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

RUSSIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 17 cows. You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.

CHINESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.

INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You worship them.

Courses for women

NEW COURSES AVAILABLE FOR WOMEN

Women think they already know everything, but wait ... training courses are now available for women on the following subjects.
1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait until After The Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First
8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Introduction to Parking
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
19. PMS: Your Problem . .. . Not His
20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To
21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have
22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
24. Oil and Petrol: Your Car Needs Both
25. TV Remotes: For Men Only
26. Getting ready to go out: Start the day before.
Please register immediately as courses are expected to be in great demand...

Random facts

MessageIn Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)

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In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals,  but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Do they look different reversed?)

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Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??)

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The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Much worse than "going blind!")

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There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time...Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

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In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!)

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Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!)

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In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.)

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In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. ( I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

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In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises." (Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!)

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Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Who volunteers for this stuff?)

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Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)

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The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hummm....I won't touch THAT one!)

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The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (From drinking little bottles of...? -- did the govt. pay for this research??)

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Butterflies taste with their feet. (Ah, geez)

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An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain. (I know some people like that.)

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Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like that too)

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And, the best for last..... Turtles can breathe through their butts. (Do you think they have bad breath?)