1. Polovi vicove - razni [01.01.00; Atanas Banov]
2. Spqshtata Krasavica [21.01.00; Radostina Georgieva]
3. Shot Pregnant Woman [24.01.00; Radostina Georgieva]
4. Hot-dog [26.01.00; Radostina Georgieva]
5. The Talking Dog [27.01.00; Hristo Penov]
6. Showing Off [27.01.00; Hristo Penov]
7. Chenese Laundry [27.01.00; Hristo Penov]
8. Premature Ejaculation [29.01.00; Radostina Georgieva]
 9. Four Blondes [29.01.00; Radostina Georgieva]
10. Voodoo Penis [29.01.00; Atanas Banov]
 11. Mr. Abby [31.01.00; Atanas Banov]

Polovi vicove - razni

Запознали се момче и момиче. Уговорили си среща, момчето я поканил в къщи,вечеря, цветя, танци и т.н. И легнали на кревата, любил я 1 час, 2, 3 и следтова и и казва:
- Е, сега ти дълго няма да ме видиш.
- Какво вече трябва да си ходя ли мили?
- Не, не обръщай се по корем.

***

В селското даскало Иванчо обяснява закъснението си, че е водил кравата на бик.
Учителката:- Какво, баща ти не можа ли?
- Можеше, но кравата по- си харесва бика...

***

Два господина седели на пейка в парка гледайки момичетата, минаващи покрайтях.
- Знаеш ли - въздъхвайки казал единия на другия - когато бях млад, трябвашесамо да видя хубавичко момиче и ми ставаше веднага.
- А сега?
- Сега... зрението ми се развали...

***

- Колко е прекрасно, а, Мименце!..org.civ.architecture.utility.- Да... Само че аз не съм Мименце... org.civ.architecture.utility. - Все едно чудесно е.

Spqshtata Krasavica

"Wse nqkoi den shte doide i princa" pomislila si Spqshtata Krasawica i smenila rykata si za peti pyt.

Shot Pregnant Woman

A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a maskedrobber runs out of the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate. All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears.
"What's wrong?" asksthe mother.
"I went to the bathroom to pee and this bullet came out" replies the daughter.
The mother tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walks into the room in tears.
"Mom, I went to the bathroom to pee and this bullet came out."
Again the mother tells her not to worry and explainswhat happened 16 years ago.
A week later the boy walks into the room in tears.
"It's okay," says the mom, "I know what happened, you went to the bathroom to pee and a bullet came out."
"No," says the boy, "I was jerking off and I shot the dog."

Hot-dog

Някакъв мъж влиза в бакалия и казва на продавачката:
- Добър ден, имате ли горчица?
- Да, имаме.
- Ами, тогава си намажете устата и ще ви направя хот-дог!

The Talking Dog

A guy walks into a bar with his dog and tells the barkeep that his dog can talk. The barkeep says "yeah, sure!" He looks at the dog and asks
"What would you like to drink, poochie?"
The dog answers:
"I'd like a Guinness please.
"The barkeep looks at the guy and says:
"You're full of shit! There must be a transmitter in his collar."
The guy says:
"I'll take off the collar and leave the room, and when I'm gone ask him something else."
So the guy leaves the room and the barkeep asks the dog what would he like.The dog answers:
"You better make that a Keith's."
So the barkeep says:
"That's cool man. But could you do me a favor? Here, take these five dollars and go next door to the corner store and get me a pack of cigarettes."
So the dog takes the cash and goes out the door. The guy walks back in the room and asks where his dog is, and the Barkeep told him about the corner store. The guy screams: "Oh no!" and runs out the door after the dog. As he turns the corner he looks down an alley and sees his dog fucking a french poodle. The guy yells to his dog:
"Hey! You've never done that before!"
To which the dog replies: "I've never had 5 dollars before!"

Showing Off

Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling!

Chenese Laundry

A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry. When it comes back, she can still see stains in the panties. So, the next week, she encloses a note to the Chinaman:
"Use more soap on panties!"
This goes on for several weeks, with the woman always spotting stains in her panties, and always sending the same note to the laundry:
"Use more soap on panties!"
Finally, one day, she notices that the Chinaman has responded to her notes with one of his own:
"Use more paper on ass!!"

Premature Ejaculation

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decidedto go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to curehis problem. In response the doctor said,
"When you feel like youare getting ready to ejaculate try startling yourself".
That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion out he runs home to his wife. At home his wife is in bed, naked and waiting on her husband. As the two begin, they find themselves in the '69' position. The man, moments later, feels the sudden urge to come and fires the starterpistol.
The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?"
The man answered, "Not that well...when I fired the pistol my wife crapped on my face, bit 3 inches off my penis and my mail man came out of the closet naked with his hands in the air!"

Four Blondes

Как сядат четири блондинки върху една табуретка?
-Като я обръщат !

Voodoo Penis

A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew hiswife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so hethought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he wasgone.He went to a store that sold sex toys and started to look around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildo's, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.
"Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of thingthat will keep her occupied for weeks, except..." and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo penis."
"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there layan ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said
"Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied,
"But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door."
The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, somuch so that a crack began to form down the middle. Before the door split,the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but finally surrendered to $738 in cash and an imitation Rolex. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say
"Voodoo Penis, my crotch.
"He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, his wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the Voodoo Penis.She undressed, opened the box and said,
"Voodoo Penis, my crotch!"
TheVoodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After threemind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough.She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. Shetried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredible intense orgasmmade her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained,
"I haven't had anything to drink,officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied,
"Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!"

Mr. Abby

Ever wondered what it would be like if Dear Abby was a man?

Dear Mr. Abby:Q: My husband wants to experience a threesome with my sister and me.A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot getenough of you, so he goes for the next best thing -- yoursister. Far from being an issue, this can bring all of the family together.Why not get some cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive, then lethim be with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.

Dear Mr. Abby:Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 > calories perspoonful. It is nutritious, helps you to keep your figure, and gives a greatglow to your skin.Interestingly, men know this. His offer to you to performoral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex isextremely painful for a man. This shows he loves you. Thebest thing to do is to thank him, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should beencouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove hisprowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with theboys is a stressful affair, and to get back to you is a relief for him. Justlook at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stablehome. The best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.