David---This is a stick-up...Give me all your clothes, and por favor, do it slowly.
Maddie---You're gonna need a bigger gun.

***

David---By the way, I..uh..got you a little something.
Maddie---You did?
(he hands her a pair of maracas)
Maddie---Thank you.
David---Told the saleslady you already had nice maracas... (a knock on the door)
Word must be out...bet that's somebody who wants to see you shake 'em.

***

David---Maddie, the man is my father. The man who taught me about shaving..About women...About shaving women.

***

(David, hung over, had passed out in Maddie's car)
David---I guess I just went out and and it's entirely possible that I was overserved.

Maddie---David! What are you doing down there?
David---If you gotta ask, I must not be doing it right.

***

David---What about if he was in love?
Maddie---In love?
David---In love.
Maddie---In heat, maybe, but not in love.
David---Love. Heat. What's the difference? They're all getting the fuel injected anyway.

***

Maddie---We are not helping that man...We are not having anything to do with that man...That man is a murderer.
David---Maybe.
Maddie---Murderer?...Murderer, maybe...Fine! I don't care!!! We don't help murderers, we don't help murderers, maybe!
David---Will you relax?
Maddie---RELAX??!!...That man hit his wife, hit his wife!!!
David---Fine.
Maddie---Fine?
David---I don't mean fine, I mean....
Maddie---Fine?
David---Fine, yes...Agreed the man hit his wife...
Maddie---Ah-hah!!
David---Yes, he hit her and that's a terrible thing, but he didn't mean to do it..
Maddie---And that makes it alright?
David---No, I don't think that makes it alright...But even though, all acknowledge that there is such a thing as losing your temper, becoming irrational, committing an act of passion...
Maddie---PASSION??!!...You call hitting your wife, knocking her down the stairs and burying her body in the backyard PASSION???!!!
David---I don't call it passion, no...
Maddie---But you think it's okay.
David---No, I don't think it's okay...But it happens...people say things and they do things that they would never do if they thought them through...they react emotionally, spontaneously.
Maddie---Ah, spantaneously...People acting spontaneaously...Alot of that going around lately. Everytime some damn fool marries someone he has no business marrying and hits someone he has no business hitting, all the boys get together and say, "We're sorry, we didn't mean to do it, it was just spontaneous!!

***

Maddie---I want nothing, NOTHING to do with a man who would strike his wife!
David---In a fit of anger?
Maddie---Irrelevant!!
David---To who? To you?...What about to the rest of the world?...What about to the state licensing board?...How's it gonna look when you take a case and then drop it, and why do you drop it?...Not because the client didn't pay, but because you happen to disapprove of the clients behavior...Behavior he himself regrets and that the law makes provisions for.
Maddie---Well, the law is wrong...He's vile, and I don't want anything to do with him and since I don't want anything to do with him, you CAN'T have anything to do with him, is that clear?.....IS THAT CLEAR??!!!...Well, is it?
David---Y'know, you're really lucky you're so damn good-looking.
Maddie---Oh, really?...And why is that?
David---Because you really are hell of alot of work, Madelyn Hayes.
Maddie---What does that mean?
David---What does that mean?...It means that you are very fortunate that the package is so attractive, otherwise, I don't think the rest of us would put up with all that crap inside.
(Maddie slaps him and instantly regrets it)
Maddie---Here let me...David, I...Forgive me?
David---Hmph.
Maddie---David, it was an accident.
David---Are you going to tell me that you didn't plan for that to happen?...That is was spontaneous, an act of passion?...Well, I know you better than that, Maddie Hayes. You don'e believe in spontaneity, and you damn sure don't believe in passion.

***

Maddie---Since when did my personal life outside the office become fair game for your amusement inside the office?
David---If I remember correctly, since you started working here.

***

David---Now who would send you roses? It's not your birthday
Maddie---No it's not.
David---...and you already stuck your head outta your hole and saw your shadow.....
Maddie---This topic is not open for discussion!.
David---And you sure don't look dead.
Maddie---You wanna know about it? You really wanna know about it?
David---Well...I did have this backlog of work here, but sure, I'll clear six or eight hours for you.
Maddie---Last night I went on a date.
David---Get the hell outta here!
Maddie---Fine, make jokes. It is funny, it's hysterical, if you wanna know the truth...It's always the same...some guy picks you up...PH, lawyer, NBA, Mr. Success...He shows up, you're supposed to be thrilled and ready when he gets there...Then Mr Wonder Date announces the plan for the evening..."Let's see what happens"...So you spend all evening driving around trying to find a restaurant that doesn't have an hour wait and you end up at some dump with linoleum tables and the menu on the placemat...Then, then...The Big Event....you go back to his place and watch the last three innings of some silly game while he works up nerve to ask if you are going to stay, which you are NOT, and which you decided when he said "Let's see what happens!!!"

***

David---I have been known to deliver my own flora...and on occassion, my own fauna...I plan my evenings, I even wait until the second date before I suggest a seventh inning stretch.
Maddie---What are you saying?
David---I'm saying, I know exactly what you are talking about...you want a little effort, a little elbow grease, a good night's work, plus overtime before anyone should expect a payoff.
Maddie---A payoff?
David---Just extending the metaphor.
Maddie---Extend it somewhere else.

***

(the morning after their disastrous date)
Maddie---Ad-di-son......!!!
David---You called?
Maddie ---Did I call? Yes. I called. I called you every name in every language I could think of and a few that I couldn't and I'll be calling you an ambulance if you don't get out of my office THIS SECOND!!!

***

Maddie---I knew it would happen...I saw the smoke signals, heard the drums, but I charged ahead anyway....Well, I learned my lesson, didn't I?...If you want to hold on to your hair, you don't spend the evening with Sitting Bull!
David---Right...So what's cooking for tonight?
Maddie---Tonight?!
David---Yeah, tonight..Tonight's the fun evening. I figured we'd go by my place, shoot a couple beers, then go hear the Dry Heaves down at the Zero Club....
Maddie---You actually expect me to go out with you again? After having had the worst time two people could have together short of a bone marrow transplant?
David---You sayin' we're not going out tonight?
Maddie---Yes. Definately. That is exactly what I'm saying.
David---Well, pardon my disappointment, but I seem to rememeber we had a deal...a fun evening for a fine evening. And I did my part, I showed you that fine evening....
Maddie---You call that a fine evening?
David---Which I admit, was a tad short of perfect... But now you're saying that just because of a simple twist of fate, a fluke of happenstance, that all bets are off, all deals are null and void...
Maddie---"Simple twist of fate!"...Nothing is simple with you... twist-ed is more like it...
David---...and that you don't have to keep your word...
Maddie---...and as for our "deal", the only way you'll get me to keep it is with plenty of rope and a bottle of chloroform!
David---...after I went to all the trouble I went through without getting as much as a quick feel at the door?
Maddie---A quick what?

***

Maddie---It's upstairs in my bedroom.
David---Maddie's bedroom. The final frontier.

***

David---I've always wanted to get into your drawers.
(rifling through her drawer and finding nothing that interests him)
David---Gotta tell you, so far it's a real letdown...
(and then, holding up a black lace teddy)
Spoke too soo!.
Maddie---You found it?
David---For future reference, I really like this.
Maddie---Fine, you can borrow it sometime.

***

David---Look at the bright side...Who knows how many mornings mine will be the first face you see...Y'know...This is good practice. When we start showering together, which side do you want me to scrub first?

***

Maddie---Maybe I'm the only one who finds it strange when a married woman walks in and tells us she wants to stop an affair she's having through the mail.
David ---Can you blame her? Those little envelopes gotta limit the possibilities.

***

David---This is the eighties, Maddie...In the eighties you gotta take your romance where you can find it and if that means a twenty-two cent postage stamp, fine...If that means a buck to rent and adult video, that's fine too...Maybe it's a two dollar call to someone you never met who would say things you would never utter to someone you know...It's all romance.
Maddie---That's not romance...that's dirty solitaire.
David---Yea!...These are great times we're living in...It no longer takes two to tango.

***

David---What are you writing now?
Maddie---My will. This place is making me suicidal.
David---Oh yeah?...Make sure you leave me something.
Maddie---Consider yourself left.

***

Maddie---I don't know David.
David---Sure you do...He looks just like me.
Maddie---No! I don't know, David!

***

Maddie---I got an idea!!
David---Excuse me?
Maddie---An idea...You know, an original thought.You've heard of them...Anyway, I was just lying in my bed last night, just lying there, feeling terrible about telling that poor man that he couldn't write Mrs. Woodley anymore, when suddenly, BA-BING!! I get this idea...
David---Ba-what?
Maddie---Huh?
David---Ba-what?...I thought I just heard you say ba-bing.
Maddie---Ba-bing?...So what if I did say ba-bing? So what?...Anyway, David I suddenly realized...Why are you looking at me like that?
David---Huh?
Maddie---Why are you looking at me like that?
David---You're doing me.
Maddie---I'm WHAT??!
David---You're doing me, Maddie. You come in here, you slam the door, you say ba-bing, you sit on the corner if that desk...I know what I'm talking about, Maddie Hayes...This is not just some idea I plucked out of my head willy-nilly....Now I'm doing you!!!
Maddie---David!! Are you alright?
David---Trust me Maddie, we are doing this backwards, let's just go to your office and start all over.

***

Maddie---David Addison, you are a vile, unevolved swine.
David---Yes, I am.
Maddie---You don't deserve to belly up to the same trough as the rest of the pigs.
David---Right again.
Maddie---You give bacon a bad name.

***

Maddie---Just think about how I feel.
David---I think about it all the time.
Maddie---I mean, if you can visually assault her, what's to keep you from leering at me.
David---Well, for one thing, you don't wear flimsy halter tops and turn the air conditioner way up.

***

Maddie---You're an animal!
David---Exactly.
Maddie---And what does that mean?
David---The male of the species engages in sexual congress no less than 46, 503 times from the time he is thirteen until the time he runs out of ammo.
Maddie ---You know that and you can't remember our zip code?

***

Maddie---Why are you so negative about this case?
David---Because we have better things to do than try and find a woman in a haystack.
Maddie---Like what?
David---Like roll around in a haystack.

***

David---Maddie, Mrs. Kendrick...Good morning,...Sorry, I'm a little late.
Mrs. Kendrick---No, Mr. Addison...you're a lot late.
Maddie---But the important thing is, you made it...Stay downwind.
Mrs. Kendrick---I don't have time for small talk, I'd just like the photos.
David---The photos?
Maddie---The pictures.
David---The pictures?
Mrs. Kendrick---The pictures I hired you to take. The pictures we've been waiting for you to bring. The pictures without which you can kiss your retainer goodbye.
David---Oh, yeah...those pictures...Would you settle for a thousand words?

***

David---Maddie!
Maddie---Leave me alone, I hate you!
David---I told you...it wasn't my fault! The freeway was jammed...there was a big accident...
Maddie---What?...A gin truck overturned?
(interior of Blue Moon)
Dipesto---Good morning, Miss Hayes.
Maddie---Grrrr...
Dipesto---Yes, Miss Hayes.
David---So that's it?...You're just gonna go hide in your office and be mad at me?
Maddie---I'm not "mad" at you. I hate you! I despise you! I loathe the ground under which you burrow!!!!

***

Maddie---That is a *stu*pid lie!
David---That is not a *stu*pid lie. "My dog ate my homework" is a stupid lie. "Of course we can still be friends" is a stupid lie. But I happen to think you can accept "accident on the freeway" and still hold your head up.

***

Maddie---Are you telling me that you are a dependable person?
David---No. I'm telling you that I'm not incapable of being a dependable person.
Maddie---Please...
David---It's the truth. I could be the picture of dependability... if I wanted to.
Maddie---So...what you're saying is...the way you are is a conscious choice...conscious being a relative term. That it?
David---Yes...
Maddie---And this...is not an unfortunate genetic mishap, but something you work at?
David---Right on brother...
Maddie---And one day you could simply choose to be an entirely different person?
David---Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back?
Maddie---You were having better luck with the freeway story.
David---What do you think, Maddie?...That people's behavior patterns are decided at birth...like gender,or eye color?...Or do you think people become irresponsible because they aren't getting enough vitamins?
Maddie---I love your logic. "I'm a jerk, but it's voluntary"...so that makes it okay.

***

David---Wake me up when we're in the cab.
Maddie---David...?
David---Maddie.
Maddie---Want half the blanket?
David---We'll figure that out when we get to your place.
(then) Yeah...thanks.
Maddie---If I can borrow half a shoulder.
David---Only for about the next twenty or thirty years...then I'm gonna need it back.

***

Petruchio---You buzz around like an angry bee. Better, as I look at you, a wasp.
Kate---If I be waspish, best beware my sting.
Petruchio---My aim is to pluck it out.
Kate---Ay, if the fool can find it...
Petruchio---Who knows not where a wasp wears her sting... In her tail.

***

Petruchio---Ta-daaaaaaa!...I welcome thee to my humble digs...this be the cleaning lady's century off...but small how a home looketh, if it be filled with love...and speaketh of which...the mas-ter bed-room!...Tis true, our courtship hath been a tad brief...but now that we be husband and wife, I sayest we waste no time in getting used to acting like husband and wife.
Kate---I agree with thee.
Petruchio---Thou dost!
Kate---I dost...And get thee used to this...I havest a headache...and if that be the master bedroom...then I shall sleep there!
Petruchio---In there? Au contraire! Be I not the man and you the woman? Be this not the time that men are men and women are property?
Kate---Property you call me! But try and plow this acre and thy blade may get broken!
Petruchio---Ha! I will be the master of what is mine own! Thou art my goods, my chattel, my stuff, my barn, my toothbrush, my golf shoes...
Kate---I'll not be any man's "stuff." In fact, stuff your stuff, for this is one thing you will never own!
Petruchio---We'll see about that and starting this day!
Kate---Than already see-est thee wrong, for 'tis plain to any fool that it be night and not day.
Petruchio---Day it is if thy husband says it be so!
Kate---Perhaps to a wife blinded by love, but mine eyes see clear!
Petruchio---Love or no, I be thy leige and thy lord, who bringeth home the bacon and provided thee with a roof over thy thick skull! And for that, by the gods...if I say the moon be the sun, than to you good wife, it shall be so!
Kate---"Good wife" I am in name only, "good husband"...and thus the moon be the moon no matter what thee says!
Petruchio---'Tis the sun, or no sleep for thee!
Kate---'Tis the moon, and to bed I'm away!
Petruchio---The sun!
Kate---The moon!
Petruchio---The sun!
Kate---The moon!
Petruchio---Bang! Zoom! I hope they like these jokes on the moon Kate cause that's where you're going! I will not stand for this...
Kate---You will not stand for this?
Petruchio---I will be king in this my castle! King, King, King!
Kate---Some "king" that he does not have even one vassal to command in his castle!
Petruchio---And while I could harvest my way with thee this very night, I choose instead to teach thee a lesson!
Kate---Well, for 'tis the moon and I choose to see and in THERE I choose to sleep and sleepest there I shall 'til the last breath I, or better still, thee breathest!!
Petruchio---Thus thou will spendest thy wedding night in THERE without me and there ye shall sleep 'til I say it be otherwise!
Petruchio and Kate ---Understandeth?...Fine!

***

Maddie---Ms. Dipesto? What's going on?
Dipesto---Nothing's going on...it's all coming down...the quicker we get this done, the quicker we can get our noses back to their grindstones.
Maddie---I take it this refers to my memo...
Dipesto---What memo? Oh, you mean the memo about working Christmas? I think I remember taking a glace at that memo...
Maddie---Hey...you don't have to take down the decorations...
Dipesto---Says who? I mean...no point in hanging out the stocking if Santa ain't coming to town.
(goes to answer the phone)
Blue Moon Detective Agency. If your stocking gets stolen or your tree can't be found, you may as well call us, cause we'll be around...We have to work Christmas, so if you're in a pinch, give Blue Moon a jingle and ask for the Grinch.

***

Richard---Take it from me, bro...enjoy it now while you got it...Things can change tomorrow...One day you're on top, the next day...Hey, check out what happened to Maddie Hayes.
Maddie---What happened to Maddie Hayes?
David---Maddie Hayes...That's a name I haven't heard in a while...Yeah, that was a killer.
Maddie---What's a killer? What happened to me?
David---This used to be her house...She slapped me once. She was even a great slapper...I don't know, Rich...There was something...She just had class, strengh...I really admired her.
Maddie---You did?
David---She had this softness about her, this warmth.
Richard---I thought you didn't know her.
David---Well, I didn't really, not the way I wanted to...There was that one time when she closed the agency, and then when I was buying this house...I don't know...Just a feeling. I bet she was a really special girl.
Maddie---Oh, David....What does he mean "was"?
David---Who knows, Richie. Maybe we could've been great together.

***

10. "Poltergeist III...Dipesto Nothing " [Air Date: 13 Jan 87]

Viola---You know, that really is a great dress you're wearing.
Dipesto---What do you want me to type, Herbert?
Viola---Type?
Dipesto---I know what you're doing. Every time you want me to type something, you do this.
Viola---Do what?
Dipesto---You hover. You pace. You compliment me on my wardrobe. Why can't you just walk over here, like a normal person and say 'Agnes, would you type something for me?'
Viola---That really is your color.
Dipesto---HERBERT!!
Viola ---Agnes, would you type something for me, please?

***

Viola and Dipesto---What are you doing here?
Viola---Ladies first.
Dipesto---I am on a case.
Viola ---You are a case.

***

Dipesto---You?! You?! What's this got to do with you?! You're a visitor! You're an interloper! You're..a temp!
Viola---Watch it!

***

Viola---You're taking this badly.
Dipesto---Do you see me doing harm to myself?
Viola---No.
Dipesto---Then I'm taking it very well.

***

Mr. Renbourn---What the hell is going on here?!
Dipesto---I heard a scream, it's like....
Mrs. Renbourn---(seeing Bert) Aaahhhh!!
Dipesto---Close! But, more blood curdling, more from the diaphragm.

***

David---Maddie, that's alot of crap.
Maddie---What's alot of crap?
David---You. Not talking to me. We're friends, Maddie... Friends...the two musketeers...ham and legs.

***

Man---Hey you! What the hell are you doing?
David---I'm committing suicide.
Man---From the second floor?
David ---I took poison.

***

David---Look...this is all just a little mix-up...You see, I thought she was someone else...and while we're standing around here chatting, that someone else that I thought she was, is somewhere else doing something else with someone that ain't me!

***

Blonde---Who's Maddie?
David---Huh?
Blonde---When you climbed in from the ledge you said you were looking for Maddie. Who's he?
David---He?...He's a she.
Blonde---Huh?
David---She...Her...Maddie...The guy. It's not a guy, it's a girl. In fact, I thought you were he. I mean she...Her...You.
Blonde---Oh.
David---Yeah.
Blonde---This she...This her...Is she like your wife?
David---Maddie?
Blonde---Just thought maybe.
David---No.
Blonde---But she's somebody you care about.
David---Well...
Blonde---I mean...look at you. You don't do that to yourself for someone you don't care about.

***

Blonde---Why were you following this Maddie?
David---I was worried about her. She said something I never heard her say before...I don't know...I just wanted to make sure nothing happened to her...there's alot of crazy people out there.
Man in cell---You're telling me.
Blonde---What did she say?
David---It's not important.
Blonde---Really? Does she know you love her?
David---What?
Blonde---I'm sorry...It's just so clear...She doesn't know does she?...Tell her.
David---Tell her? Tell her what? I'm not in lo...
Blonde ---Yes you are. Tell her. Just tell her.

***

Cop---Let's start at the beginning...Why were you following your blonde?
David---I don't know.
Cop---You don't know?
David---I was worried about her.
Cop---What do you mean?...What is she to you?...Your wife?...Your sister?
David---She's nobody to me.
Cop---Nobody to you? But you chased her all over town until two in the morning?
David---I care about her...That's who she is to me...She's someone I care about...I think maybe, I'm in care with her.
Cop---"In care" with her?
David---You know what I mean.

***

David---Two years! Two years, a Civil War...the Black, the Blue...I thrust, she parries, I teeter, she totters...Well, that's all over...It's time we both thrusted together...Time we laid it on the line...laid it on the bed...laid it anywhere we damn well want. Just as long as it finally gets done!...Ladies and Gentlemen, this is it!!...No more fooling around. No more teasing. No more back-and-forth sparring that we all know is really just our way of priming the pump. Tonight's the night!!!...Tonight the itch gets scratched!

***

David---Of course, there are two entire hours unaccounted for.
Maddie---This from a man who has entire weekends unaccounted for.
David ---Never without a good excuse....or at least, a bad one.

***

David---So, what's the occassion?
Maddie---What do you mean?
David---I mean you've been gone for three hours and you come back looking like an ad for Wally's Wig World.
Maddie---I had my hair done.
David---Thank God! I thought your head was shrinking.

***

Maddie---There is no emergency is there, David?
David---Yes..well...Yes, yes there is an emergency.
Maddie---Alright.
David---Well...I...uh...kinda realized something last night.
Maddie---What?
David---Well...I made a decision. A big decision....Oh God, Maddie!!
Maddie---What, David?
David---Look, what I'm trying to say is...
Sam---Hi.... Back too soon.

***

David---So, what brings you to this neck of the woods?
Maddie---Well...I guess I just wanted to see how you were doing.
David---How I'm doing what?
Maddie---Fine, you don't wanna talk about it, that's fine.
David---I'll be glad to talk about it...I just don't know what it is?
Maddie---Let's start with you....For openers, you consumed an awful lot of alcohol last night. Are you feeling alright?
David ---Nothing that a liver transplant won't fix.

***

Maddie---This must be a first.
David---What's that?
Maddie---You, awake, without your mouth engaged.
David---Spoke too soon...My mouth is engaged...it's just the rest of my body that's still unspoken for.

***

David---Look, if it's any consolation, this job is a piece of cake. We can do it with our ears tied behind our heads.
Maddie---You tie your ears around your head! I like where everything is on me.
David---You're right. If it ain't broke don't fix it.

***

Maddie---That night you interrupted my dinner with Sam, what were you gonna tell me?
David---What?
Maddie---No "what?", no "Huh?", I want you to tell me what was on your mind. What were you going to tell me?
David---Maddie, it's four o'clock in the morning....
Maddie---What did you want to tell me?.....David?
David---Maddie.
Maddie---Where are we? What is this room?
David---Um...This is my living room.
Maddie---Your living room?
David---Uh-huh.
Maddie---There's nothing in it.
David---Yeah, picked up on that, huh?
Maddie---I don't understand...There's no lamps, no chairs. Doesn't anyone ever come over? Don't you ever entertain?
David---Yeah, I entertain a lot....I generally...do most of my entertaining in the bedroom.

***

Maddie---I hate you, David Addison.
David---I hate you too, Maddie Hayes. I've always hated you.
(they kiss)
David---You look awful.
Maddie---Yeah, well you smell awful.

***

David---So, just in the neighborhood or what?
Bert---Sam's here.
David---Well, I guess he's gotta be somewhere...Maybe Saturn's closed.
Agnes---They're going to dinner.
David---Great.
Bert---Well, sir...
Agnes---It's just that...
Bert and Agnes---We just thought...
Agnes---We thought that there might be something you might want to say...
Bert---To Ms. Hayes...
Agnes ---While she still is MS Hayes.

***

Maddie---What are you doing here?
David---I was getting lucky.
Maddie---You are the most loathsome, the most disgusting, the most vile...
David ---C'mon...How you gonna know 'til you try?

***

David---What about just now?
Maddie---What about just now? I thought that was him, I didn't know it was you.
David---Maddie, you said some things...
Maddie---And you didn't...Nothing...Not during the whole thing, David, you haven't said a word.
David---I don't have to say anything.
Maddie---What do you mean, "You don't have to say anything"?...Stop smiling...Why are you smiling? How can you be so smug?
David---I'm not being smug. I'm being honest. I don't have to say anything...You know it and I know it...You feel it and I feel it...
Maddie---Stay away from me.
David---Here I come.
Maddie---But I don't want you...I never wanted you.
David---Yeah, right. I heard the speech about the goodbye grope.
Maddie---But that was for him, not you...Wake up..I'm not leaving him for you, I'm leaving him for me, me-me-me-me-me...Is that clear?
David---Why don't you try it in "C" Flat?
Maddie---Get back!
David---Put that down, Maddie.
Maddie---No.
David---Put it down!
Maddie---No.
David---I'm not gonna force myself on you...I don't wanna force myself on you...Tell you the truth, you're not worth it.
Maddie---What?
David---Not worth it! Not worth it! No woman is worth this, alright!...Never mind, just forget about it, this was never meant to be.
Maddie---I'm not worth it!...I'm not worth it..Look whose talking about worth, Mr. Bargain Basement. If there was a closeout sell on human beings, you'd be the last one to sell!
David---Yeah, you oughta know honey.
Maddie---What does that mean?
David---I'll tell you what it means...it means that you're the kind of person who goes through life looking at the price tag instead of the merhandise. You want some guy who went to a great school, great mug, nice manners, well thats fine... just fine...Makes sense.. Look at you...you're not a person, you're a poster, and you deserve another poster.
Maddie---You're going over the line David.
David---You spend more time dressing than you do smiling...you spend more time with business than you do with pleasure...
Maddie---And your way is better...more time singing than working...more time screwing up than moving up...
David---Moving up? Is that what you believe in? Spare me.
Maddie---Is that what you believe in, huh?... What do you believe in? A good party?
David---I don't believe in wasting any more time...I'm sick of this...Two years of "Is you is, or is you ain't"....
Maddie---Two years of bees beeing and ducks ducking and a man who thinks that culture is dark beer! This is ridiculous, I'm miserable.
David---So am I.
Maddie---Yeah, well...I may have just let the best thing that ever happened to me get away, and look at me...here I am spending the evening having another pointless argument with you.
David---Fine.
Maddie---Fine.
David---Good.
Maddie---Good.
David---Bitch.
Maddie ---Bastard.

***

Maddie---Sounds like you enjoyed yourself last night.
David---Yeah, well, I seem to recall you hitting a high "C" yourself a couple of times.

***

David---Any chance of you dropping me by my place?
Maddie---Your place?...Can't you take a cab?
David---A cab?...Forget it...I'll just call my pimp to pick me up on the corner.

***

David---(walking into Blue Moon, singing)
"Woke up this morning my head hurt so bad, it was the worst hangover that I ever did have...What's up, boys?...It wasn't wine I had me too much of, it was a double shot of my baby's love....
Maddie---David!......Can I have a minute of your time, please?
David---Take two, they're small.

***

David---Look, I agree...I think we should wait a little while before we spring it on the employees.
Maddie---We're not springing anything on the employees.
David---You're right...If they knew, they'd think we were rocking the desk everytime we're alone in here...Does the lock on your door work?
Maddie---Stop it!
David---Stop what?
Maddie---Stop talking like that, stop thinking like that...I hate this, David...I hate feeling uncomfortable and worrying about what the employees might be thinking and cringing every time you make a suggestive remark.
David---So don't do it.
Maddie---Thank you...As usual the depth of your sensitivity is staggering.

***

Maddie---I think we need a new pact.
David---What?
Maddie---A new pact...I think we need one. What we just did invalidates the old one, wouldn't you agree?...Why are you looking at me like that...I'm just saying that before this goes any further, now would be a good time to put a stop to it, make a new pact...
David---I hate this pact crap!!
Maddie---I'm not doing this to hurt you, I'm doing this...
David---Because your nuts!!
Maddie---I don't think that's a very productive thing to say, after we just made love...just before we're gonna make a new pact.
David---I just figured it out.
Maddie---Figured what out?
David---Why you're thirty-six years old and still by yourself!
Maddie---What's that supposed to mean?
David---What is with the pact crap?
Maddie---It's not crap!!!

***

Maddie---Why does this keep happening?
David---The same reason Christmas keeps happening, because it's terrific, that's why!!

***

David---What's wrong with something that's good for right now?
Maddie---Is that what I am?...Just the best thing you can find for the moment?...That's a load of crap.
David---Excuse me?
Maddie---Your're crazy about me!..And not for tonight, not for next week, I'm going to be under your skin for a long time, buster, and you know it!
David---You better stop before you embarrass yourself.
Maddie---Embarrass myself?
David---Embarrass yourself..By making me tell you that the only reason I'm here, the only reason I did any of this, was to save you.
Maddie---Save me?...From who?...From what?
David---From marrying Commander Cody of the Lost Planet Airmen.
Maddie---You conceited...underdeveloped...oversexed...
David---I just didn't want to see you spend the rest of your life up on the roof with the four kids..gazing up at the night sky, wondering when Tom Swift is gonna make it back from Jupiter!
Maddie---Oh, really?
David---Yes, really.
Maddie---So this has all been one selfless sacrifice on your part?
David---Hey, I was happy to do it.
Maddie---And none of this has been about the way you feel about me?
David---Hey, is it my fault that woman will fall for any load of peat moss you hand 'em as long as you tell 'em you love 'em first.
Maddie---You're lying!
David---No, I'm not!
Maddie---Yes, you are!
David---No, I'm not!
Maddie---Yes, you are.
David---No, I'm not.
Maddie---Yes you are, yes you are, yes you are!!!!!

***